Enpowerment, Releasing Fear, Loving me ......That's why I Quit!!!

I think it's time for me to tell you why I decided to quit my job. *sigh* It feels like an old story although it happened two weeks ago. Quitting represents the end of a period of my life and the beginning of a new phase. It's hard to explain but a part of me died that day making room for my imprisoned soul to feel sunlight. I've said this before and will repeat it many more times - I set an intention to evolve spiritually on February 2011 and got way more than I expected or hoped for. The process hasn't been easy. I've been forced to release  fears, comfortable beliefs ,  charter unfamiliar territory, and am being forced to step into my power. It's hard because we live in a world that supports fear, conformity, and believes in happiness outside of oneself via external sources. Living authentically is a wish, fantasy, bestowed on a few lucky ones, or a concept accessible only in our local movie theatres. My path is a lonely one, filled with skepticism, sanity checks, and conquering self doubt. I'm going to have to conquer myself/ quell my own fears/ doubts which is harder than justify my decision to family/friends.

I opened Pandora's box earlier this year and was led to books that lifted my spirit, forcing me to examine my beliefs, relationships with lovers, family, friends, work, and life. I was led to Reiki and became level I certified. I heard the word in passing on a radio show and felt an unexplainable connection although I knew nothing about this modality. I did a bit of research online to understand the modality better but was careful not to inundate myself. I wanted to experience Reiki without having an expectation. I took the Reiki class on April 9th , the day was spent reviewing the history of Reiki, Chakras, Etheric field, getting attuned, practicing on ourselves, and each other. I left with more questions that I'd come in with which was a blessing. I was forced to research and experience through self treatments. I journal alot and the weekend after becoming Reiki attuned and self treating - I wrote a long  compassionate letter to myself regarding my fluctuating weight. I was able to identify the core issue - protection. I was insulating myself and memories flooded my consciencouness showing me why. I suddenly knew that the weight would release it's self after I released my fears and worked on healing.

The compassion I felt wasn't limited to me but flowed onto everyone and everything. Now that I was able to forgive me - I could take responsibility for myself in challenging situations. Reiki allowed me to truly learn humility and become softer. I was always positive but I was now in a euphoric state although nothing in my life changed besides my perspective. Reiki healed unknown physical pain I carried in my body allowing me to confront unaddressed emotional hurt dumped in boxes inside myself. My 1st reaction was to forgive everyone and lower my boundaries. I learned quickly that everyone wasn't on my path and I'd be taken advantage of  or hurt without following my intuition which encouraged self preservation. During this healing process, I empowered myself. I let go of  relationships not out of anger but because I was falling in love with myself. I'd been working on loving myself unconditionally but I quickly realized the  being done was on the surface using tools that treated the symptoms but not the root causes. As I started to identify the root causes of my lack of love for myself and release them. My self worth increased. I could no longer tolerate inconsideration, being taken for granted, or abuse of any kind from me or anyone else. Reiki is helping me heal which is empowering me.

The day I quit my job I was berated by co worker for the umpteenth time. I'd been dealing with her wild mood swings since 2009. I was afraid to tell my boss fearful of how I'd be perceived but found the courage to stand up for myself in 2009, 2010, and 2011. However, nothing was done because my co worker offered my boss peace of mind. She handled reports for upper management and did the grunt work allowing him to golf . He said " She's a pain in the ass but gets the job done" which explained the light slaps on the wrist for her abusive behavior. My boss was also uncomfortable with confrontation which made me sympathize and consider his feelings more than mine, often shielding him from discomfort, rather than standing up for myself unless things were absolutely unbearable.

 The day I quit there were two explosive confrontations that took place in front of the Office Manager, Property Accountant (Manager), and my co worker. The 2nd on par with a physical attack - my co - worker came to my side of the office and started screaming because I dared to involve Human Resources. I asked her to walk away from my desk when she came closer and screamed " WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?!!!! MAKE ME!!!! MAKE ME !!" I was stunned. I'd just requested a meeting with HR in writing cc'ing our boss, Office Manager was present, and so was the Property Accountant - no one said anything. I sat at my desk stunned and said " this shouldn't be happening at work" no one made eye contact with me or said a word. Although, this had been the worst confrontation to date, completely inappropriate, and out of line. The last incident took place around 5:45pm long after the end of the work day - I decided to quit. I realized there were no boundaries and I had to be my own savior. I drew from my internal reserves to empower myself.

Quitting was the hardest decision I ever had to make. I sat at my desk until 4am for several reasons; I didn't want to lose courage, waited for guidance in meditation, called my family/ friends for advice, printed every single belittling email, requests for adjustments in her behavior, correspondence with co workers/ friends/ family/boss regarding the situation, questioned myself to make sure that I'd explored every avenue imaginable to resolve the situation, acknowledge my angry/ humble responses, faced my fears regarding stability/ identity tied into my title and salary. I released the fear of having to stay for financial reasons, economy, etc and realized I deserved better. I deserved to be treated with respect and was worth more. I deserve a job that I love where I'm valued and respected. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be treated fairly and equally.  I not only deserved these things at work but in my life.

I heard a small voice inside me say

" this is your chance to start living , love yourself, and create the life you've dreamt about. The time to live is now."

I decide to release my fear, honor myself, love myself, and step into the unknown. On the train ride home in the darkness , light filtered through, and the sun rose which symbolically represented what's happening inside......To be continued

Our Life's Purpose and where it can be found

I feel lead to write about the many paths to God/ Allah/ Jehovah, Universal Source/ Higher power, etc. There is a shift taking place in our world; many of us are disillusioned with our government, wanting to live authentic lives free from illusions of hierarchy/ status, on paths leading to our higher selves/ life's purposes, and on a quest toward enlightenment. We want to create a utopia here on earth rather than pay the price of suffering for admission into heaven - right we are. I can feel the tension and smell the restlessness in the air. * thunderous applause* It's about damn time we stopped following the wolves like meek, dumb sheep being lead to slaughter and demand change.

There are many people on earth willing dedicate their lives to change. Many of us who want to serve others and help heal the world. I've meet many of these seemingly ordinary people serving mankind in many arenas; librarians, nurses, post office clerks, retirees, teachers, therapist, etc. They are questioning their religious beliefs, social norms, examining their lives and wondering why their lives feel so empty. They've followed the rules ; went to college, got married, had children, are dependable employees, and responsible citizens and still aren't happy. Others haven't followed the traditional path and have lived with the secret shame of failure, pitiful stares, and are finally refusing to believe they are less than as a result.  These people want to break free of their molds/ labels and don't believe they're worthy or special enough to facilitate these changes on a personal or global level.

As we all know, when people feel despair or powerlessness, they turn to a higher power. Some people turn toward the spiritual base they are familiar while others turn to new age ideology, shamanism, self help books, spiritual workshops, etc. I'm all about question and researching before taking anything into your spirit whole heartily which includes learned beliefs. But, I must say something about searching outside oneself for spiritual understanding outside of traditional religion. There are many paths to God -I've meet spiritually evolved people from many religions; Catholic, Seven Day Adventist, Islam, Jehovah Witness, Rastafarian's, Shamans, Baptist, Metaphysical Paths, etc. I can take precious information from spiritual text reserved for the followers of any faith, just as I can leave many things behind, again there are many paths to God. Everyone can't be right nor everyone be wrong.

But, I feel compelled to say this again - we are all special and have a direct line to God. I urge those going to spiritual workshops, ceremonies, gatherings outside of traditional religion to exercises good judgement. I know you want to change your lives and the world but you don't need to spend thousands of dollars on workshops, consume plant medicine, participate in ceremonies, to become enlightened or deemed worthy of God/ special. A wise man once told me "we not only pray to God on our knees but when we gaze upon our creators wondrous creations in nature feel appreciation, express gratitude for our blessings, and feel creators spirit in kind words and deeds". No man is a pathway to God. When we pray we talk to God but in meditation, silence, and humility we are all able to hear our creators guidance. I don't believe rituals are our way into God's heart nor do I feel " enlightened humans with human frailties/ ego" can lead us anywhere but further from our connection from source via our intuition.

Our presence on earth deems us worthy (special) enough to connect with source and effect changes in our lives and the world. We are all equal. Lets live authentically by listening to our guidance which will lead us to our life's purpose and effect the change our world is demanding.

Religious Beliefs

What I'm about to write may be controversial? *shrug* But, I'm not asking anyone to come to the same realization , at best be open minded or just humor me by reading.

I guess I have to start from the beginning - I declared 2011 to be my year of spiritual growth /evolution and got more way more than I bargained for. My whole life has changed. I'm sitting here at my computer in the same apartment, appearing the same, but a totally different person with a different perspective on life. Things that were important to me even late last year mean nothing to me today. Sometimes I question my sanity; I have no interest in returning to a career that paid me well, still a fashionista but not longer have the " gotta have it disease", have no interest in television because I'd rather live MY LIFE that watch others live their dream, learned to value myself and put up boundaries with strangers, acquaintances, friends, and even family. My relationship to fear has even changed. I no longer fear not having enough or losing love. I now fear not trusting myself completely. However, I know that fear will soon be released because it's apart of my learning process.

A part of learning is asking questions -I've been questioning some of my religious beliefs which has led me to uneducate myself spiritual.My uneducation involves religion. I grew up Seven Day Adventist which involved alot of rules/ rituals; observing the sabbath, no adornments ( earrings), pants, etc . I'm not completely anti - rules but have been asking myself - What does these rules have to do with my relationship to God? I'm slowly  learning - NOTHING. My overall belief is treating others the way you'd like to be treated is a good start. I've had the honor of meeting several spiritually evolved people within the last three months whose beliefs are far from traditional. All who I believe are bound to meet our creator which has led me to believe everyone can't be right or even wrong. There are many paths to God.

The path I'm on encourages me to release my fears even fears of questioning my taught beliefs. I'm starting to realize the things I've been taught  have prevented me from developing a real relationship with God and my spiritual support system ;Spirit Guides, Power Animal, Guardian Angel, Archangels, etc. Traditional religious teachings teaches us to fear God. I feel as a result we elude his love and help. We feel that if we can't be perfect that we aren't worthy of his blessings and are inferior so rely on others interpretation of God and grace. Many of us turn our backs on God meaning to come back once we are committed to being plain, chaste, poor, etc. We have beliefs about money, equality, abundance, and self worth which affect us negatively impact our lives. How can we love ourselves if we feel unworthy of God's love which is pure and unconditional? Instead we put our faith in religious leaders, government, perceived power, etc. because in our sick minds. They may know something that we don't which makes them better connected. God becomes an abstract concept which many of us don't truly have faith in. Forcing us to live unhappy lives - following rules far from our higher authority out of fear. If we truly believed in God - wouldn't it be OK for us to believe we are the ultimate creators children, therefore worthy of his love and abundance?

I look at the world and the injustices; drop out factories pretending to be educational institutions, wars, enviormental atrocities, corporatized agriculture, wealth imbalance (economy), poverty, hunger, racial inequality, child abuse, scandals surrounding religious figures,etc. I wonder - Why are we buying into men's faulty and misguided interpretations? I'm walking away, relying on my own understanding, and faith......it can't lead me any further off path.

I'm leaving fear behind. it's Ok not to identify with my title, faith, other peoples perception, etc. I can follow my own path and rely on God to miraculously open doors to abundance , wisdom, freedom, and love. I'm ready to claim my inheritance here on earth from my parents in heaven.