What do I want? I want to LOVE MY LIFE!!!

I have to say being home has been true bliss. I've been gardening for 4 hours a day, hanging in Central Park, Meditating, Reading incessantly, Journaling, Writing, etc. I've been enjoying myself and learning alot along the way; I couldn't change a potted plant and now I know how to plant vegetables and maintain a garden,  started receiving benefits from meditating, feel myself growing spiritually, and balancing a part of myself.  The crazy part of myself that was always rushing from to work, then school,  trying to squeeze in time to work out, do homework, and eat something better than an instant meal. My life was in a frenzy and left me no room for reflection. I've been able to retreat within myself and connect with my higher self free from ego. I've always know how to speak to God via prayer but now know how to hear him speak to me via my intuition. In order to hear God speak - you have to be silent. I learned that meditating in the lotus position doesn't work for me but gardening, writing, and walking in nature takes me into the zone where I'm open to hearing God speak.

I have to keep it real with you - I'm a human being so I still worry about money. Yesterday, I was freaking out for no reason or better yet a silly reason. I decided to use some money I had to pay my rent in advance and became fearful. In my crazy head once that was done I had no fall back plan so I began to panic. I didn't allow myself to panic long because I called an emergency spiritual meeting and sent meeting requests to  my spirit guides, guardian angels, archangels, and God. I asked my Spirit Guides and Guardian Angels to offer their guidance and to make it clear so that I didn't miss any signals. I asked Archangel Michael to walk with me and cut off the cords of fear and doubt, Archangel Metatron to cleanse my chakras as I slept / help me prioritize, Archangel Raphael to guide my food choices/ exercise, Archangel Gabriel to help me with writing, Archangel Jophiel to assist me with clearing my space so that energy can circulate better, and requested that my healer angels, teacher guides, joy guides, runner guides, garden angels, etc all free to jump in and offer guidance when necessary - no free will violation here. Notice I said guide me because these high vibrating energies can only help us become better not live our lives if our goals are aligned with God's will. Keep In mind God only wants to see us happy and whats best for us. If something isn't to my liking - I'm aware that I don't have the full picture.

In our society, we aren't taught how God works in our life. God is an abstract concept  who we are suppose to fear. In my heart, God is my father and loves me even when I screw up which is why I have no problem talking to source everyday. I feel no ambivalence nor  do I  feel to serve or honor God- I have to be a celibate monk whose taken a vow of poverty or promise to be a hermit. I understand that he helps in many ways. I was guided to value myself and open arms to abundance, not working has been a gift. I realize I don't need money. I need trust and faith. My job is to take this time to nurture, love myself, pay attention to my guidance, and follow this path to my new life.

My job is to determine what I want, visualize it, and follow my guidance. Like my  garden my life is blossoming.